texts from last night

texts from last night in your dashboard

(315): We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, “I have to go to the bathroom.” I reply, “No you don’t, you’re leaving.” Without hesitation she looks at me and says, “Yeah.”

(631): Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?

(646): I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of “i shouldn’t be alive”

(915): You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.

(617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

Theme: Cavalcade

(772): i said i was sorry for his girlfriend’s cancer diagnosis and he said “easy come, easy go” and tried to fuck me

(215): if you can see her tanning goggle line that’s officially a deal breaker

(847): …..then i was kicked out of my work christmas party……

(678): So… I’m really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

(312): She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her