“(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more”
Virginia had a good Thursday.

The New Yorker
“(715): There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.”
“(973): composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.”
“(360): not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny’s. i didnt even know that was possible.”
“(620): He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.”
— Kansas

If you’ve ever wondered what those three numbers are in front of our posts…now you know.

“(269): i don’t even want to say how many boners i’ve caused this week”
“(609): You’re the only person I know who would say “we’ll play it by ear” referring to a threesome”